Getting Closer Through Social Distancing

Getting Closer Through Social Distancing

It seems like we may be asked to continue with social distancing for the unforeseeable future. Life as we know has been completely turned upside down and many things seem out of our control. Many of us feel a sense of loss. We've only just begun and many of us have lost vacations, weddings and other special events. Most importantly, we have had to temporarily give up our community. Instead of focusing on what is lost, let's look at what can be gained. 

As everyone is distanced from the communities in which they are a part of - children separated from school and extracurricular communities;.adults separated from work communities - there is an opportunity to connect and become closer to your most important community, those in closest proximity to you, your family.

In order to grow closer to your family (this includes your children, spouse and even pets), you must be intentional. Here are some opportunities for you to grow closer to those you love most.

Spend time away from technology. Technology is great. It will be our saving grace as we use it to connect with work and allow our children to learn remotely. It will help keep us entertained as days go by. At the same time, it can isolate us from the very people we share space with. Spend some time tech free or doing tech together. Our family is having a Marvel movie marathon, so every night after dinner we gather together to watch a different Marvel movie. Spend less time time on social media and more time socializing with those in your house.

Have dinner together. Ask family members to join you in the kitchen. Spend time talking around the dinner table. Engage in discussion. Usually, we discuss the best part of our days. This may be difficult if the entire day was spent at home, so think of another question that gets your family sharing their thoughts and feelings. 

Go outside. We live in South Florida and have a pool so this is easy for us. When the temps get cooler by us we light up our fire pit and play Would You Rather which is quite interesting with seven and 12 year old boys. Many of their questions involve body parts or bodily fluids, yet it is a great time to get to know one another on a deeper level. If you have a dog, he or she will love it if you spend more time going for walks or playing in the yard.

Teach your pet a new trick. This can be a challenge and quite time consuming. Guess what, you now have lots of time, so look up some new tricks to teach Fido and get started right away.

Share your faith as a family. Set aside time each day to read a devotion as a family and pray. We have a list of people we pray for every day on our way to school. We know need to find a different time in the day to pray for those people but it is still important and connects us as a family.

Have a date night. There are new movies you can rent right from your device. You can even watch a Broadway show at home. Get creative. You could even get dressed nice if you want, put the kids to bed early and spend time doing something as a couple.

Play board games, do puzzles, work on a home project. The most important thing is to not spend so much time reading the news and isolating yourself. Try and set up a routine for yourself and your family. Do things together and be purposeful.

This time can seem like a downer if you choose to look at it negatively. Instead, consider how you are helping your community be healthier and create opportunities to grow closer to your children, spouse, pets, and faith. 

How Water Changed My Life

Water changed my life...

Number 30 on my list was to drink nothing but water for 30 days.  This may seem simple to some but for me seemed impossible.  You see, I loved Diet Coke. Prior to completing number 30 I could drink more than 32 ounces of Diet Coke a day.  Healthy people, please don't comment how bad it is for me; I've read all the research and know how bad it it is.  When you love something and are addicted to it you don't care how bad it may be; you just have to have it.  To be completely honest, I loved Diet Coke so much that I still had one glass a day when I was pregnant with my boys.  I know many of you are silently judging me, but I'm just trying to give some perspective on how deep my Diet Coke addition was. I use words like loved and was, past tense words, because I no longer feel this way. I know all of the healthy people are now silently nodding their heads with small smiles on their faces.

The first two days I started drinking only water, I was in bed with headaches.  It was so miserable; I was so miserable.  My coworkers were so glad I began on a Saturday.  Since I'm being honest I can tell you that some of my closest coworkers were scared to see how I would be because they had seen me drink so much Diet Coke and other caffeinated beverages.  However, by the time Monday rolled around, my headaches were gone and I decided to spice up my water a little bit by putting fresh lemon, lime or fruit in it with a fruit infusing water bottle and you know what, I loved it.  Not only did I love the way it tasted, but I I loved the way it made me feel.

I never thought I would be one of those annoying people (sorry healthy people) who went on and on about the benefits of water or not drinking caffeine, but I experienced it first hand.  My energy levels were up.  It was easier to lose weight.  I could focus and concentrate more. I actually handled stress a lot better.  My PMS symptoms were a million times better (My husband may not agree with this one, but I know how I felt.).  Now it helped that I was also completing numbers 33 and 34 by exercising and eating better too, but drinking water changed my life.

Once again I can see the healthy people nodding their heads with a big, "I told you so."  However, I feel this post is more for the people who are in the same shoes I was before my journey.  Those who think it is impossible to change your unhealthy habits.  The same people who think that when people talk about how great they feel when they eat right and exercise are annoyed. Not because those people are annoying, but because they don't know how to change and break the bad habits.  They don't know where to start.  I'm here to tell you it's not impossible.  It is possible and can be enjoyable.

I felt so good drinking water that when the 30 days were up I still drank only water.  At least for a few more days.  Now, I drink other drinks once in a while, but I prefer water. When I don't drink enough water, I feel the difference.  I never thought I would ever write a post like this, a post a healthy person would write, but I am hoping to encourage those that don't know where to start.  Try drinking nothing but water; it really changed my life and I'm sure it can change your life, too.

Choices, Choices, Choices

It's been a week since I began numbers 33 (dropping two pants sizes) and 34 (working out at least three times a week for 90 days straight) and while it has been difficult, I've been very successful. I worked out four out of the seven days...what can I say, I'm an overachiever and I've lost four pounds. I really attribute my first successful week to all the amazing encouragement I received from so many. Encouragement that I will need moving forward.

The first few days weren't so bad. It was kind of like my kids' first days of preschool. Different and fun until days two and three when you start to cry because you realize this is an every day thing. Breakfast, lunch and snacks are easy because I only have to worry about me. Dinner is a whole different story. I have four other people to worry about feeding. My husband will eat anything and actually prefers when I cook healthy...strange but true. My daughter will take a little of the healthy food and then snack later. My middle son loves food. He will try new things but doesn't like any vegetables except salad so that makes it difficult and my youngest only eats breaded chicken, macaroni and cheese, pasta, rice, meatballs in red sauce and my meatloaf. If I had the time and energy to make myself something different I would but instead I've just been slowly changing things like making brown rice instead of white rice and using ground turkey more instead of red meat. With these changes came three great moments.

The first was when my family decided to get Subway for dinner because we were at work late andmy  middle son had a soccer game. While I stood in line thinking about the Parmesan herb bread I normally get toasted with meatballs and provolone, I decided I didn't want that and walked out deciding to find a better choice at home. This was HUGE for me. The next moment came on Saturday when we had spent the morning at the soccer field, the afternoon visiting with family from out of town and then had an hour and half at home before meeting up with family again. Guess what I did while I was home? I worked out. This is unheard of. I usually need hours just to prepare myself to want to change into workout clothes, let alone take the only time I could have relaxing to work out. The third came later that night when I was at my brother's house and he offered me dessert. For those of you that know me dessert is my weakness especially ice cream. He had bought ice cream sandwiches and M&M cookie ice cream sandwiches. The only thing better than ice cream is when you add a baked good and candy to it but I had watermelon and pineapple instead. Yes, you read that correctly. I chose fruit instead of ice cream. Gold star for me.

I know it's only going to get tougher because I looked at the calendar and there are so many after school and evening activities coming up the next few weeks. On top of that I'm beginning to feel like PMS is right around the corner. That's why I wanted the Snickers when I went grocery shopping today (I walked right by it) and I feel fatter today despite losing four pounds. Hormones suck. It's also hard to get through my workouts because I'm sore and my knees and joints sound like someone is popping bubble wrap but I am determined to work through it because I'm doing this for me. So if you see me eyeing up chips or ice cream, make sure you give me the mom look. I know I'll hate it and appreciate it at the same time.

Shedding Some Baggage

So I am a little more than a month into my journey and something unexpected has occurred. People, good friends; family; people I haven't talked to in years and acquaintances, have all encouraged me and seem to be encouraged by my journey. It's really cool. My friend Jen bought me a tomato plant to begin my garden. Some friends from work want to learn to make jewelry with me. Close friends want to go zip lining, snorkeling and more. Today a reading specialist that I only know in passing offered to take MMA classes (which I'm considering doing instead of the dance lessons) with me. It's kind of amazing how this journey is bringing people together. 

Speaking of coming together, my sister-in-law invited me to go backstage in July for a New Kids on the Block concert. It's a middle school dream come true. While I was screaming like a middle school girl that I would finally get to meet Donnie Whalberg to my husband, two emotions swept through me. The first was excitement, because I instantly thought I might be able to check some items off my list but then when I though of the photo opportunity, I became depressed. Meeting Donnie is a moment worth capturing in a photograph and that's what depressed me...me in a photograph. I have gained so much weight and am not so pleased with myself. My husband joked with me and told me to lose the weight creating a funny saying, Do it for Donnie. While that was cute, I just didn't feel motivated. I realized I don't want to lose weight for Donnie, my husband or anyone else. I want to lose weight for myself.

So today I began numbers 33 and 34 on my list. I'm hoping to drop two pants sizes and work out at least three times a week for 90 days straight. I began today eating healthier. It wasn't horrible. I also worked out. That was horrible. First, let me say one of the biggest hurdles, besides time and energy, to working out is changing your clothes. I kept thinking, I'm going to change out of work clothes to work out for 30 mins then shower and put pajamas on. That's a lot of laundry for someone who has limited time to begin with. But I did it and I felt accomplished. I also had an epiphany in the shower after my workout. I realized I am an emotional stress eater and the reason why I am unhappy when I look in the mirror is because I see all the negative emotions and stress piled up on me. I don't want to carry that around. I want to shed all of those negative things, so when I look in the mirror I see me. So I'm posting my before picture, which takes a lot of guts to do, hoping that soon I will be happy to post the next one.

Wish me luck!

Xanax, Serenity Oil and a Whole Lot of Prayer...the Only Way to Fly

Number forty on my list was a BIG one for me. I am terrified of flying. I like to be in control. I like control so much that I had my first two children with no pain medication because I was afraid of some foreign substance not allowing me to feel certain parts of my body. Crazy, right?  I also have an extreme fear of heights. These two issues combined with my over active imagination make flying something I don't even consider.

Twenty years ago I flew quite a bit. Unfortunately I convinced my family and myself that locations within driving distance were the best vacation spots for us. I realized I needed to do something about this when my fears started extending to driving over bridges. My fears were controlling me. It was so bad that I wouldn't even enter contests that included free airfare...I told you crazy. Who doesn't like something free? Me, I guess.

I've always wanted to visit California and had this whole plan to drive across the country this past summer. I had it all planned out. The kids and I were so excited because I convinced them that, it's not about the destination; it's about the journey. My husband, being older and wiser, was not so convinced. He agreed to the trip but really did not want to spend that much time in the car. Our three kids can barely get along through an entire meal. I'm sure the idea of hours and hours confined in a vehicle with limited space, snacks and technology conjured up all kinds of horrifying images for him. He lucked out; his oldest brother, the one everyone thought would never settle down, announced he was getting married in Chicago in October. 

Of course I instantly began rationalizing how I was going to get out of going because it required flying. We have a dog...who would stay with her? A family of five traveling for a long weekend...we don't have the money for that. We both work for the same small private school...could they really do without both of us at the same time? The list went on and on. The scariest thing for me while I was making all the excuses was that I knew I wasn't getting out of this one. I was going to have to fly. It's family after all and there was no way I could not be there.

I had anxiety just thinking about the flight. I tried to imagine myself walking onto the plane but as soon as I imagined the inside, I got a sick stomach. The annoying thing about fear is that it's irrational, so it makes no sense and that people always have dumb ideas to help you get over your fears. They mean well but hello, it's irrational, so your great advice is not going to work. I really struggled but finally in August I took step one and bought the plane tickets.

Then in September I took another bold step for this control freak...I surrendered a little bit of my pride and control and asked the doctor for Xanax. My husband was not happy, to say the least. He thought I should be stronger. We had some heated discussions in which I hope I finally made him realize that I was strong and that asking for help was a sign of strength. Little did I know my strength would be tested even more.

A few days before we were scheduled to leave we found out that we were in the projected path of Hurricane Matthew and it was going to hit right after we left. Ok, for those of you skimming this blog...I'm a control freak looking for excuses to get out of flying. This was like offering a recovering alcoholic a drink. It also made my anxiety a lot worse because now I wasn't just worried about flying, I was worried about my house, my dog, the weather conditions when we left and if the weather would hold up for us to return. I used all my normal coping mechanisms. I joked and used sarcasm with coworkers telling them I was probably going to die. I whined, pleaded and then tried to rationally tell my husband that one of us needed to protect our home and since it was his brother's wedding the logical choice was me. I tired everything until two nights before the flight I realized this was really happening. I was going to Chicago.

I called my best friend and just started sobbing. I felt so out of control. I had tried so hard to manipulate every situation to not go and none of it worked. I was holding onto to my fear so tightly but had never wanted to let it go as badly as I did in that moment. I was a wreck. I didn't want to transfer my fears to my children, was actually anticipating seeing a state I've never been to during autumn and wanted to be there for my husband but couldn't see past my fears. To say I was a mess would be putting it lightly. My friend calmed me down, listened and validated my feelings like good girlfriends do. She also suggested that I put essential oil, the serenity blend, on my wrists in addition to the Xanax. 

So the big day came. I was nervous but timed my Xanax at the airport, avoided caffeine (I read that it exaggerates emotions like fear), not only put the oil on my wrists but kept it in my purse and read Psalm 27:1 a million times. So when I boarded the plane, I was anxious but very relaxed...thank you, Xanax. As we took off I felt queasy but pulled out my essential oil and sniffed that bottle like crazy while squeezing my daughter's hand and shaking my legs like crazy. Thank God, the man next to my daughter was sleeping. I peaked out the window as we were ascending up into the sky. I know people say don't look, but I'm a control freak remember? I saw the most beautiful sunset, which has always been one of my favorite reminders of how much God loves us and gives us peace and assurance in the craziness around us. 

So I did it! I loved the in flight wifi that allowed me to see where we were and even the altitude; it was a control freak's dream come true. And when my brother-in-law got all choked up during his rehearsal dinner because he was so happy his entire family came to support him I wanted to go in the bathroom and cry my eyes out. I couldn't believe that I had almost allowed my fear to cause me to miss out and that my family almost missed out on being complete. 

I'm not saying I would fly again tomorrow...baby steps. However, I did learn a big lesson about asking for help and using the resources and people closest to you to overcome fear. Hopefully I can work up the courage to make it to the West Coast some day soon.

I encourage those of you who are afraid of something and are missing out, don't wait another day. Don't let fear control and isolate you. Show strength by asking for help and facing your fear; you will be glad you did.

My Journey to Forty

Yesterday I turned thirty-nine years old. It's funny because I don't feel thirty-nine. I'm not even sure what thirty-nine should feel like. I've always felt age was just a number, but the past few years I've realized that while you can feel young at heart time does not go on forever. I guess that is what thirty-nine feels like - reflective with an urgency to make life matter and embrace the moments that are quickly passing by. 

I began feeling this way about three years ago. Not really because of my age, but because I three significant people I knew or knew of died within months of one another. Each person was of a different age with different backgrounds, life experiences, family lives and causes of death. However, each one solidified the feeling that life is a gift and each day should be celebrated as such. With this in mind I decided I wanted to complete forty things I've always wanted to do before I turned forty.

I'm a dreamer but I'm also fearful of many things, so my forty before forty list was a great conversation starter and an inspiration to many, yet I never got started because I finish what I start and I knew once I began there would be no turning back. So yesterday when I turned thirty-nine, I kept looking at my iPad to write this blog and came up with excuses of why I shouldn't. 

"It's too late now. You can't do all forty things in one year."

"You don't have the time, money or guts to follow through."

"No one cares to read about your experiences, so why bother?"

As I let these thoughts toss back and forth in my mind, I thought back to what I felt when I mourned the loss of those three people a few years back. I thought of the things they probably wished they had done but didn't get the time and realized my birthday yesterday was a gift. This moment is a gift and every moment after now is another gift for me to do something with. It's not about finishing the list or having a bunch of followers, it's about starting my journey and really living. It's about not just staring at the gift in its packaging but about opening it and using it.

So here is my list...let me just say that when you have fears like mine, especially the fear of failure a list of forty is very difficult to write. My goal is to complete as many as possible before I turn forty and to document my journey, the successes and failures. If anyone would like to help or do any of them with me, I'd love the encouragement or company because another gift in life is the people you share it with.

Please note these are not in any specific order.

1. Stand on a cliff overlooking the ocean

2. Touch the Pacific Ocean

3. Finish writing a novel

4. Self-publish finished novel

5. Run a 5k

6. Snorkel

7. Volunteer for a non-profit organization

8. Complete Disaster ReliefTraining

9. Volunteer after a natural disaster

10. Zip line

11. Take dance lessons

12. Stand up paddle board

13. Learn to make jewelry

14. Drive a convertible

15. Beat a video game

16. Sing Karoke in front of strangers

17. See an animal give birth

18. Hike in the mountains

19. Watch people surf in person

20. Grow a vegetable garden

21. Refinish a piece of furniture

22. Cut my hair short

23. Color my hair

24. Host a mystery dinner party

25. Get out of debt

26. Go on a short term mission trip

27. Write/direct/edit a short movie

28. Get a shout out on social media from a favorite celebrity

29. Build something from scratch

30. Drink nothing but water for 30 days

31. Eat a vegetarian diet for two weeks

33. Drop two pant sizes

34. Exercise three times a week for at least three consecutive months

35. Renew my wedding vows

36. Take a selfie with something or someone great

37. Begin a non-profit

38. Try at least fifty things I've pinned on Pinterest

39.  Start my own small business

40. Fly on an airplane